The Anti fanfic: A Marysue's Comeupance
by Introvertedraccoon94
Summary: Basically, a mary-sue story with a taste of reality. Follow Anya Raven Queen Sparkles etc Suzuki, as she ruins your view of Mr Seto Kaiba... or see the truth where Kaiba is as bad ass as always. Random smush...


Introvertedraccoon: Hi, this is literally a story making fun of bad stories. It is meant to be a comed-

Kaiba: It's not very funny...

Introvertedraccoon: Shut up! Anyway, there is kind of going to be a "what really happens" section behind the...textual garbage. Amuse yourselves there.

Kaiba: If you enjoy bad humour.

Introvertedraccoon: ...meanie... Anyway, this first section is Yu-gi-oh! as it is based on a story that I wrote in my young, ignorant, stage of life. I can quite safely say, that is securely hidden at the bottom of my recycle bin.

Kaiba: This is the disclaimer. Raccoon owns nothing.

* * *

><p>Anya Raven Suzuki was a beautiful blonde with thrilling blue eyes. She was one of the best duelists in the world, outclassing most of the European duelists in a blink of an eye.<p>

One day, she decided to turn up to domino high.

"Hi, Yugi!" she cried, skipping gracefully across the school yard.

Yugi turned around to face her.

"You must be the new girl. Let's be friends!"

Anya began to make friends with all of the gang; everyone either admiring her for her beauty, or drooling at her large boobies.

After the bell rang, signaling the final lesson of the day, she ended up going to ICT. She sat down next to Seto Kaiba, who couldn't stop staring into her sparkling sky eyes.

"You are an idiot," her voice rang musically into his eyes.

Kaiba thought she was aggressive. He liked it.

"What is you're name?"

"Anya Suzuki. I'm a singer/musician/actress/baker/number one duelist in all of Europe."

"I'm Seto Kaiba. Marry me?"

There was a lot of animosity between the two.

After lesson ended, Kaiba-kitty face offered her work at his company. Because he saw how good she was at putting a virus into the school's computer. She accepted it.

The two parted angrily at Kaiba had been outsmarted. Somehow.

Suddenly, after going to the arcade with Yugi and the gang, her head hurted and she fainted. An evil man came out of nowhere and kidnapped her.

"Oh, no! Our best friend has been kidnapped! Let's chase after him!"

Yugi turned into Yami.

"My beautiful princess! I was going to make her Queen of Egypt!"

Kaiba noticed that she was missing, whilst sitting in his office doing work.

"If he kills her, my heart will be broken."

He chased the man up a building and punched him.

"Ouch," said the evil guy.

The pendant of death around Anya's neck grew powerfuller, and Kaiba saw she had fainted. And he knew that the necklace was controlling her/killing her.

"No! You cannot die! I love you!"

"Muahahahaaaa! It is too late! She is dead."

"She won't be. Not if we play a card game."

"Wait Kaiba!" cried Yami, running up to them. "He is too dangerous, let me join you."

"Good idea, Yugi-kun!" exclaimed Kaiba, hugging his bestest friend.

"No you won't win! Because I am evil! Muahahahahaaaa!"

"Anya! Speak to me!"

"She is dead. Muahahahahaaaaa!"

"No!"

"Muahahahahaaaaa!"

"Wake up, you have the strength! Feel my love, Anya!"

Anya got up, and kissed Kaiba. She threw the pendant to the floor, and smashed it.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

"Woo! We won!" exclaimed Joey, Tristan, Tea, Serenity, Mai, Duke, Pegasus, Yugi's grandpa, Marik, Bakura, Rex, Weevil, and Mokuba.

Anya and Kaiba made out. Everyone smiled and clapped.

They lived happily ever after.

Oh, no! But wait!

"I'm sorry Seto-kun-chan-hunny-muffin-pie. I have to go back to England. Then France. And Sweden. And America. Because my mother called me back."

Seto smiled painfully.

"Don't worry! Go! I will always love you!"

And as Anya Raven Queen Sprinkles Elizabeth Aiko Fluffy Suzuka the third waved out from the boat at him, as she disappeared into the sunset. Poor Kaiba fell to the floor and cried.

It was a tragedy.

The end.

Or is it?

* * *

><p>What <em>really<em> happened:

Anya Suzuka, who killed her parents for making her middle name Raven, looked at her greasy blonde hair and bloodshot blue eyes in the mirror.

Wow, wasn't she sexy? She should have been a model, not a player of card games. But why did the head of the modeling agency _laugh_ his _ass_ off when she entered? And why did every boy that looked at her, _bleach_ their eyes in _agony_? _Hmm_…

Because she had nothing better to do, she randomly decided to go to a Japanese high school. Probably because she was so shallow as to drool at the Japanese miniskirts.

Oh, did I mention? Old men drool at the sight of her legs. And they attempt to assault her often. No, she doesn't find that creepy. She digs old men. They're the only ones who would even _consider_ her.

Anya started skipped "gracefully" across the schoolyard. Everyone stared at her in exasperation; sniggering behind their hands. She looked like an _idiot_.

Tripping in front of a short kid, she greeted him.

"Hi, Yugi!"

Yes, she had been stalking him online.

There was no time for friendship making. Yugi quickly filed a restraining order.

Anya stalked Yugi, and tried to make friends with the gang. They were scared. Especially when she flashed her boobs.

Suddenly, it was the end of the day. Anya had missed all her previous lessons, as she was too busy stalking people. She was expelled. But she still managed to sneak back in.

Kaiba was _not_ in her ICT class. He had enough money to decide _not_ to go to school. And if he did, he would have poked her "sparkling blue eyes" out with a pencil. And _still_ manage to sue her for every penny that she had obtained, being a "duelist extraordinaire" and all.

But because the writer was only just developing hormones, he managed to magically appear in the classroom. And drool came out of Anya's mouth, eyes, and nose.

Unfortunately for her, no matter how "musical" her voice was, Kaiba became pretty angry when she called him an "idiot". But he did not tend to waste his time with worthless people like her. So he concentrated on his work; which is what _she_ should have been doing, if she did not want to fail the course.

It was obvious that Kaiba thought she was an idiot. He did not like her.

However, Anya still gazed eagerly up at Kaiba, as if expecting some sort of question. Kaiba's thoughts were distracted by the prospect of hopefully beating Yugi in a duel some day.

"My name is Anya Suzuki, I'm a singer and an actress and the best duelist in Europe and a musician and a baker…"

Kaiba raised his hand, getting the teacher's attention.

"Can I swap seats?"

Anya, yet again, looked up hopefully at Kaiba. Expectation dancing in her eyes. It was almost as if she was expecting him to hold out a diamond ring. He did no such thing. But he did hold a gun. At her head.

(At this point, the writer had to erase out Kaiba's arsenal of weapons.)

There was a lot of animosity between the two. And by "animosity", I mean that; Anya was frolicking down the corridor in joy, and Kaiba could care less about his so-called "soul-mate".

No, Kaiba did _not_ offer her a job at his company. However, he _did_ threaten her to stop harassing his receptionist, secretary, and all his other female employees (so _that's_ who she was emailing during ICT!). Oh, and to stop calling him "kitty face".

Anya put a virus into the school computer. But because her hacking skills were so poor, the school's firewall got rid of it, and she was expelled for letting it loose. The teachers sighed in relief.

Anya giggled. She had outsmarted Seto Kaiba!

Yes, that was _definitely_ more important than the fact that she got expelled from school…

…Kaiba, who had not said a word to her during the lesson, was too busy running his multi-billion dollar company to care.

Anya randomly stalked Yugi and the gang to the arcade.

"Please, somebody, get _rid_ of her!"

When Anya had a head ache, she thought she was going to die. And in her melodrama, she fainted. Everybody cheered.

Suddenly, an evil guy (with no physical description whatsoever) came out and took her body. Yugi did not even know that he was a _villain_. He looked like a nice guy… unlike the girl he had just taken.

An awkward echo surrounded the gang.

"So… anyone up for DDR?"

Yugi turned into Yami; this was to fight the forces of evil, to save the princess from eternal pain, to-

"Sorry Joey, looks like my dancing skills were just _too_ good for you."

Meanwhile, Kaiba was in his office, trying to do his work. He heard a familiar, yet incredibly irritating, distant shriek.

He carried on typing.

Deciding to get up and go for a coffee, he noticed a man throwing that _annoying_ girl around on the roof.

"Well, there's my _entertainment_ for the afternoon…"

Kaiba got on his spiderman shoes and ran up the side of the building (because we all know that he's a nerd at heart). He punched the man in his face.

"Whoops. Wrong person."

Now, the poor man's face was dribbling blood everywhere, it was probably broken, and now he was going to have a wonky nose for the rest of his life.

Let's be child-friendly here.

"Oh my BEEP god! Why the BEEP BEEP BEEP did you BEEP that? My life is BEEP BEEP BEEP ruined! Oh, BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP."

Yes, "ouch" is an _understatement_.

Anya fainted. Again. I'm _sure_ that she would have liked to say that it was because of the "evil pendant" around her neck. In fact, it was because the narrator hated her. Making her faint would shut her up for a couple of hours, isn't that _great_?

Kaiba, yet again, did not notice the dying woman on the floor. He was too busy trying to make sure that the poor man wouldn't sue him. Or ruin his reputation in the eyes of the press.

"Muahahahaaaa! It is too late, she is dead!"

Kaiba became confused.

"Who?"

An awkward silence surrounded the area, only broken by the drips of Anya's blood; oozing from her constant fainting.

"So… fancy playing a card game?"

Kaiba decided to amuse the man, and they prepared their decks.

"Wait, Kaiba! It is too dang-"

"What the hell are you talking about Yugi? And how did you get up here anyway?"

Yami paused.

"…I…don't…know…"

Kaiba suddenly felt the urge to do something.

"I hate you, Yugi."

"Okay then."

The man interrupted Kaiba's moment of "friendship".

"No you won't win, because I am evil! Muahahahahaaaaaa!"

If he was evil, why would he admit it so openly? Shouldn't he be a bit more _subtle_?

Kaiba considered ringing the mental hospital. But then he realized that the man could probably sue him for the punch he made earlier.

Anya was ignored. Was she dead yet? Probably.

"She is dead. Muahahahahaaaaaa!"

Yami and Kaiba exchanged glances.

"Bound to happen someday," shrugged Kaiba.

Yami whistled inconspicuously.

"Muahahahahaaaaa!"

"Will you _stop_ laughing," growled Kaiba, starting to get irritated with the man.

There was a murmur coming from the dying blonde. Turned out that her lazy ass was just _sleeping_.

"Mmrm…yes Kaiba…I feel…your _luuurve_…"

She was talking in her sleep.

Not that anyone noticed, of course.

In a sudden movement, Anya got up and kissed Kaiba. Kaiba proceeded to throw up off; his insides falling off the side of the building. Poor Mokuba was the true victim in this situation; he had to take at least _three_ showers.

Anya smashed her pendant, and danced around victoriously. Nothing happened.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuu!" yelled the undescribed man, melodramatically.

Kaiba and Yami held their ears, as the loud voice was deafening them. The pain was interrupted by a boot, which hit the man in the face and pushed him off the building.

The two looked below to spot that certain _familiar_ old man, shaking up a cane and waving his rifle around.

"BE QUIET WILL YOU! Damn…kids these days…"

"Woo! We won!" cried the gang (of aforementioned people listed in the above story).

"Number one, how did you get here? Number two, how did _you_ win? And number three, why are there loads of people here that we don't care about?"

Everyone shrugged, blaming their young, pre-pubescent, female (non)writer.

Kaiba then turned to glance at Mokuba.

"And number four, have you considered taking a _bath_, Mokuba?"

Anya ran up to Kaiba, and tried to make out with him. Fortunately, he remembered to bring some pepper spray from the office, and shot her in the face.

As she was running around in circles on the ground, in pain, everyone clapped.

...and they lived happily ever after. How is this even a _viable_ ending sentence?

Oh, no! But wait! There is more reason to prepare your _nooses_.

"I'm sorry Seto-kun-chan-hunny-muffin-pie. I have to go back to England. Then France. And Sweden. And America. Because my zombie mother called me back."

Kaiba considered killing her for embarrassing him with all those nicknames (whilst Joey's stomach rumbled in the background from all the food related metaphors), but decided against it. She would probably rise from the dead anyway, and proceed to stalk him some more.

But he smirked at the knowledge that she was going away, giving him _some_ form of relief. If she _really_ went to all of those countries, she would probably never remember to come back (the writer would probably pair her up with so many different anime men by then, that she'd forget about him).

And besides, if the writer was really said horny young teenager, then she'd probably have _incest_ with her "loving" young _undead_ mother. If they were still in America, at least there was a bigger chance of someone possessing a gun, and shooting them in disgust.

Kaiba smiled painfully, trying to endure the _thing_ for a bit longer, before she went away.

"Don't…_worry_…Go right ahead."

And as Anya Raven Queen Sprinkles Elizabeth Aiko Fluffy Suzuka the third (don't worry, that's just what her [imaginary] friends call her) waved out from the boat at him, she disappeared into the sunset.

That is until the boat sank.

Poor Kaiba fell to the floor and cried. Tears of _laughter_.

It was a tragedy. Kind of… not really…no.

The end. (Do you want me to make it any more obvious for you?)

...or _is_ it the end?

…

…

…

*Shoots writer*

I'm not enduring _that_ crap again…


End file.
